An Open Letter of Apology to Our Neighbors, Family, and Friends

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow
For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep!"

- Anonymous

Dear Neighbors, Friends, and Relations,

We apologize for the current state of our house and yard. We realize that our flower beds are sporting weeds this season and that thistles are overrunning our bushes. We grew a baby this year instead of petunias. We would like to point out that our grass is mowed on an (almost) respectable basis, but we are aware of your concern that rusting, inoperable vehicles and moldering couches might soon appear on our front lawn. We won't even mention the state of the back yard. As a point of reassurance, we do not own any coon hounds, just an aged, prissy shepherd/collie mix who doesn't like to get her paws wet.

Our refrigerator has not been cleaned in ages and it is very possible that brave new worlds are forming near the back. It does, however, contain an adequate supply of breastmilk, that was painstakingly pumped and is responsible for the baby's pleasantly plump state. Our floors need mopping and the dust rags are dusty from disuse. Spring came and went this year without the traditional cleaning. I would apologize for the soap scum that I suspect is on the shower walls, except that I experience the luxury of a shower so rarely these days.

I will admit to having a few too many "grilled cheese" suppers lately, although the kids never seem to complain about the lack of more refined menus (vegetable terrines and pan-seared scallops not being big favorites). There have been times when our toddler remained in his PJs ALL DAY. I confess that sometimes Baby Einstein has been used to soothe the savage toddler (and that occasionally, when the going gets tough, I click the "Repeat" option instead of the "Play Once"). I admit that out of the 2,303 times the big kids asked me to play the "Pirates of the Caribbean Life" game with them, I only actually agreed to play twice.

We realize that we have entirely failed in our attempts to be superheroes and fess up to being only human. Sadly, we do not possess the power to bend space and time and must make do with the standard 24-hour days. As noted above, certain things have fallen by the wayside right now ... and we let them fall. There's a baby that needs rocking, because I know that if I look away for a second, she'll grow up and her babyhood will be gone forever. Besides, she's prettier than any silly old petunias anyway. ;)