Not Do

I usually like to approach things with a "can do" philosophy. Like Yoda says (and, really, who's wiser than Yoda?), "Do or not do. There is no try." I've found it works better to just assume you can do something and carry on until proven wrong. This attitude usually works really well for me. Usually.

So, yesterday the hospital called to let me know that they had some openings at the audiology clinic and would I like to move up Molly's appointment? They had one opening first thing this morning, which was as much more convenient day and time than the original appointment. Dad wasn't working Thursday night, so a Friday morning appointment would be just perfect. I was all happy about the new appointment until I remembered that Dad had a dentist appointment that same morning. Obviously, Max couldn't go with Dad to the dentist, so I figured I'd just take him along to Molly's appointment with me. After much planning on the best and most efficient way to get both babies safelty into the hospital and to the appointment, I was feeling like I had things pretty much under control.

We got up early, got both babies up, fed, and dressed, and I gathered up all the necessary gear. I had diapers and wipes. I had a change of clothes for Molly, in case she decided to have a poorly timed diaper blow out. I brought crackers and water to keep Max busy during what I thought would be a brief and straightforward hearing test. We drove through the rain and dark to the hospital, and Molly, the little darling, slept peacefully during the whole trip. When we got there, I snapped Molly's carseat into the stroller, grabbed the diaper bag, picked up Max, and headed for the appointment location. Pushing a stroller with one hand while holding a 25+ toddler isn't the easiest thing to do, but we made it to the office on time ... only to discover that the audiology clinic wasn't where it used to be. Lugging everyone down to the lower level, we found the clinic, checked in, and sat down to wait our turn.

When the doctor called us back, we trudged down a series of hallways, through what appeared to be a break room, and into the examining "room," which was about the size of a large closet. Once we squeezed a large stroller, a carseat, some hearing test equipment, a baby, a toddler, a doctor, and a (starting to get very tired) mom into the room, there literally wasn't any room to move. As planned, I removed the carseat from the stroller, sat Max into the stroller, and made my first tactical error by giving Max the bag of crackers to keep him occupied while the doctor explained the hearing test. I didn't realize that the hearing test that Molly was getting is the same one that they give in the NICU ... where the baby has to be alseep for the test results to be accurate. Having slept soundly in the car, Molly was now WIDE awake and checking everything out. As I tried to convince Molly that she was sleepy, Max was merrily shoving crackers into his mouth. Finally, after taking Molly out of the seat and swaying back and forth with her for about 30 minutes, she finally fell asleep ... at almost exactly the same time that Max finished his crackers and started to get fidgety. As the doctor ran the test on one ear, I tried to keep Max quiet and occupied.

I ran through my usual Max distraction techniques (yes, the same ones that I used on the recent car trip -- with just about as much success) and barely managed to make it through the hearing test on Molly's right ear. The baby was totally zonked out at this point, so I thought I'd carefully set her in the carseat and take Max out into the other room so the doctor could quickly complete the test. At about this point Max figured out how to slide between the stroller bar and the seat (I hadn't buckled him in) and was loose in the room. Unfortunately, as the doctor was reattaching the leads for the test, he managed to thoroughly wake the sleeping baby. I ended up trying to soothe Molly back to sleep (fat chance), while attempting to contain a cranky (and now very tired) toddler, since the appointment had stretched MUCH longer than I had anticipated and we were now infringing on Max's nap time. Much howling was done by all, causing the doctor to have to flee the room for about ten minutes. The doctor finally gave up, gave Molly the less thorough test in both ears, and scheduled her for a follow-up visit in four months. He didn't seem to cheer up much when I joked that all the rest of his appointments today would be a piece of cake compared to this one!

During the course of the testing, it was determined that Max had fallen through the hospital cracks and should also have been having regular hearing tests (due to his prematurity, the fact that he had bacterial meningitis, and some family history of congenital deafness). So, while we were checking out with my now-angelic toddler and sleeping baby, they decided to schedule Max for the next available appointment ... which turns out to be the very same appointment slot that Molly had originally had. Ugh!

And, to really top off my morning, when I got back to the car and was ready to pack up the babies, I discovered that someone had parked so close on Molly's side of the car that it was physically impossible to open the door wide enough to squeeze the carseat in. Having already buckled Max into his seat, I had to take Molly's carseat around to the other side of the car, crawl over Max (while carrying the seat), and snap it into the base.

Needless to say, I will only be taking one baby at a time to all future audiology appointments. It has now become glaringly obvious that Yoda never had children.