Happy Birthday Little Girl

A whole year gone by already -- I guess you're not my little baby any more! Last summer, with all its worries and trials, seems like it was both a lifetime ago and just yesterday. I remember hoping that my second pregnancy would be textbook and tediously normal. I remember how devastated I was at 21 weeks when the problems started up again and how scared I was when I landed myself in the hospital at 22 weeks with threatened pre-term labor. Not only was I having problems again, but they started two weeks earlier in the pregnancy. I felt like some preemie process had been set in motion and I was desperately afraid that you'd arrive even earlier than Max. Having a 27 weeker was enough of a roller coaster ride -- I knew that having a 25 weeker would put us in line for an even bumpier ride. I was determined to hold you in as long as I possibly could.

So we weathered 13 weeks of strict bedrest -- except to use the bathroom and sit up to eat, I spent almost all of that time lying in bed or on the couch on my side. I always thought it was funny that I spent as many weeks on bedrest as Max was born early. It always felt like I was able to trade NICU time for bedrest time -- a trade I was ever so willing to make. We fought Max's battle after he was born -- your battle was fought before you made your appearance. We didn't make it quite as far as I would have liked, but I think we won your fight. I know when I was hospitalized at 30 weeks that the doctors didn't think I'd make it much longer. We proved them wrong -- we managed to give you four more weeks and four more days before my water broke late one night. You were 34 weeks and 5 days when you were born.

You came out looking fat and pink and healthy (to me). My 5 lbs, 13 oz preemie peanut looked like some kind of giant baby. I was always sorry that the doctor didn't let me hold you before the NICU team whisked you away. You apparently weren't too happy about it either, showing your displeasure by peeing all over the doctor and yelling mightily. No NICU stay is fun, but yours was easy -- after a week you were home and all ours. The first month was a little stressful -- the breastmilk jaundice had everyone a little worried and it was frustrating teaching you how to breastfeed. But the jaundice resolved itself and you did learn to nurse (boy, did you ever!).

And here we are, living happily ever after. You're the little girl I always imagined that I would have one day. I love your sunny smile and your joyful little laugh. I adore your chubby little body -- pudgy cheeks, dimpled arms, leg rolls, and all. I love your shaggy dog hair that is just long enough to pull into a tiny pony tail. I love putting you in dresses and hair bows and buying you dollies. Don't get me wrong -- I love my little boy to pieces and I would have been totally happy with two little boys. But, there's something silly and wonderful and satisfying about making birthday cupcakes with very pink frosting. Happy birthday my little girl -- you're the best surprise I ever had.